10 Reasons why Nations don't go to Human Schools
by DaughterofDemeter123
Summary: Reason One: Sharp objects are frowned upon in today's society "No, no, no! Weapons are not allowed on the school grounds for any reason!" "Aw, but Ms. Principal! We were going to have an axe battle."


**Have you ever wanted to see your favorite countries in school setting? Don't lie. I know you have. **

**Between the numerous Gauken!Hetalia fanfics and the elusive "OMG They're at a human school" fics we _all_ read, you really can't deny it. **

**Well, I know it all seems like good fun right now, but trust me; there are plenty of reasons why they shouldn't be anywhere near a school building. Ever. I think I'll list some~**

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><p>Reason One: <em>Sharp objects are frowned upon in today's society<em>

"No, no, no! Weapons are not allowed on the school grounds for any reason!"  
>"Aw, but Ms. Principal~! We were going to have an axe battle~"<br>"Yeah, geez! We_'_ve gotta settle the score from last time."

Principal Ima Meanlady shook her head at the two teenagers before her. Bratty foreigners... they drove her to her wits end.

"I can't believe this! Detention, both of you!"

And with that, she stormed away. Mathias and Antonio glanced at each other and grinned.

"AXE FIGHT~!"

* * *

><p>Reason Two: <em>Underage drinking is illegal<em>

"-and then he left me! Bloody git!" The Brit sobbed onto his victim's shoulder.

Said victim just so happened to be a freshman, who was cornered by a certain blonde on his way to the bathroom.

"U-um, why are you telling me this?"  
>"Eh? Tellin' what?<br>"About you and-"  
>"BLOODY GIT!"<p>

He burst into another round of sobs.

Enter the teacher.

"What is that racket? I'm trying to teach a class here, and-" He blinked at the odd sight. "What the cheese is wrong with him?"

The freshman shrugged, which was actually pretty difficult to do in this situation.

Teacher-guy stepped closer and sniffed. Then he gasped.

"Mr. Kirkland! Are you *dramatic pause* _drunk_?"  
>"Wha- no! I swear to drunk I ain't God!"<p>

* * *

><p>Reason Three: <em>School assemblies are not a good time to spread the la'amour<em>

"Hello everyone! Due to recent events, Principal Meanlady has asked me put together a little speech about staying 'above the influence'. To start it off, here are some pictures of-"

A loud giggle erupted from somewhere in the auditorium.

Teacher-guy continued to speak, ignoring the unruly and evil brat that dared to make noise.

There was a shriek, followed by a very_ French sounding_ laugh and more giggles.

"Oh, so you think drugs are FUNNY, do ya?"  
>"Non! Non, monsieur! Not funny at all~!"<br>"Oh. Okay then."

He continued his speech, but after a few minutes, there was another interruption.

"My GOD! YOU WANKER! LET GO OF MY ARSE, FROG!"  
>"Don't worry, Artie! I'll save you from the pervert!"<br>"_Honhonhon~! _Just spreading the _la'amour_!"

* * *

><p>Reason four: <em>While it's fine to look after your siblings, there is such thing as overdoing it<br>_

BANG!

"Stay away from my sister, you damn nudist!"  
>"WAAAAAH! LUDWIG! SAVE ME!"<p>

BANG BANG BANG

"Vee~ No, don't kill me! I have relatives in your country!"

* * *

><p>Reason five: <em>Coming into school late is bad, no matter how awesome you are<em>

"Well then Mr. Weillschmidt, so kind of you to grace us with your presence."  
>"Kesesese~ I know, right?"<br>"Mr. Weillschmidt. Why were you late?"

The albino chuckled once more before answering.

"I, being awesome, was feeding the awesome Gilbird his breakfast."  
>"Detention."<br>"What? How could you do that to the awesome me?"  
>"Make that two detentions."<p>

* * *

><p>Reason six: <em>Pets are not allowed; no exceptions<em>

Principal Meanlady pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled slowly. She stared at the sleepy Greek sitting across from her. Why did _her _school have to play host to that stupid international exchange program?

"Mr. Kapursi, animals are not allowed on the school grounds."  
>"...yes...sorry..."<br>"We here at Generic High do not tolerate such disturbances."  
>"...I know..."<p>

As the woman continued to rant about school policies, he began to dose off...

"MR. KAPURSI!"

Only to be woken up again. How unfortunate.

"You know what? Whatever. No more cats. Got it?"  
>"...But they might get lonely..."<br>"That's their problem. Dismissed."

Heracles took his time in getting up and heading for the door, but before he could reach it, he was ambushed.

Ambushed by a random kitty coming in through the window and jumping on his head, that is.

* * *

><p>Reason seven: <em>Food is not allowed during class<em>

"Remember, class. The triangle is a shape with _three_ sides." Teacher-guy formed a triangle with his hands for emphasis. "Triangles are very-"

*munchmunchmunch*

He stopped talking abruptly and scanned the room. All was perfectly normal. Well, besides half of the students staring at him as if he was crazy. Hm. Maybe he was. It had only been a matter of time, after all.

"Ahem. Triangles are very important shapes. So, I want-"

*munchmunchmunch*

Teacher-guy whipped his head around at an impressive speed, just in time to witness one Alfred F. Jones cram another burger into the black hole he called a mouth.

"Aha! So _you're _the mysterious muncher!"  
>"... Huh? Dude, what is up with that name?"<br>"Nevrmind that! Detention, Jones. No eating in class!"  
>"Oh! Is that all? The hero apologizes and stuff."<p>

Oh yeah. He better apologize for crossing the amazing TEACHER-GUY!

"So anyways, I want you all to take out a piece of graph paper and draw me an equilateral triangle. Not an isosceles, not a scalene. Equilateral only."

And so the class fell into silence, and all seemed right with the world. But then again...

*slurpslurpslurp*

"Oh, _come on_!"

* * *

><p>Reason eight: <em>In some schools, a uniform is required; you may not change said uniform to how you see fit<em>

Principal Meanlady sighed. She seemed to do that a lot lately...

"Mr. Łukasiewicz."  
>"Like, yeah?"<br>"Why are you wearing the girls uniform?"

The totally trendy blond stopped inspecting his manicure long enough to roll his eyes at her.

"Well, the other one was totally too frumpy for my tastes, and I like, always need to look my best. My BFF Lizzy let me borrow one of hers until I can get my own, which is totally sweet of her, don't you think?"

The principal just stared at him as he began to drone on and on about ponies, and how he wanted to paint his house pink, and his favorite snacks, and a whole lot of other gibberish.

"... Alright. Whatever, I don't even care anymore. Just leave."

Several years later, Principal Meanlady could be found working as a plumber in Kentucky, with a firm hatred of cats, axes, and the color pink.

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><p>Reason nine: <em>It isn't polite to tell cafeteria workers their food tastes like crap<em>

"Vee~ I'd like some pasta, please."  
>"Sorry, no pasta today."<br>"Oh. Is there any pizza, then?"  
>"No pizza either."<p>

Feliciano was pouted.

"What is there, then?"  
>"Cheese casserole and potato salad."<br>"I'll have the potato salad, ve~"

The lunch lady smiled at him and dumped some onto his tray. The Italian walked away from the line and sat with his two friends/caretakers, Kiku and Ludwing.

He took a bite of his food. He chewed slowly, swallowed, and-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS FOOD IS TERRIBLE, DISGUSTING, ALMOST AS BAD AS ARTHUR'S!" ("Hey! MY FOOD IS FINE, GIT!")

-began to scream at the top of his lungs.

Collectively, the entire student body gasped and threw away their lunches. Everyone abandoned the lunch line.

No one was willing to risk eating something as bad as _Arthur's _food.

* * *

><p>Reason Ten: <em>If people makes fun of you or someone close to you, go to a teacher; don't try taking matters into your own hands<em>

*_BoingBoingBoingBoing_*

Irunya merrily made her way down the hall, smiling at the other students that giggled in joy of another day of learning. She was always happy to see others happy.

At the end of the hall, right in front of her locker, stood a large group of girls. They had been speaking in hushed whispers, but they silenced as soon as the Ukrainian made her entrance.

"Excuse me, could you move over a bit?"

The entire group glared at her.

"Can't you see we were having a conversation?" One asked in a slightly nasally voice. Perhaps she was ill? Irunya hoped she would get better soon.

"I apologize, but I need to get to my locker..."  
>"Like, why should we care? The entire world doesn't revolve around you."<p>

There were twitters of agreement.

"No, no! I didn't mean it like that! I just don't want to be late for class."  
>"Well, boobs-for-brains, not all of us care about your shallow self-needs."<p>

Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. Was she really shallow?

"What...?"  
>"Go home, foreigner. No one wants you here."<p>

One of the girls slapped Irunya hard in the face, leaving behind a dark bruise. She cried into her hands. They began to jeer, but seemed to be cut short.

"What is going on here? Bullying? You are harming my sister, da?"

Irunya looked up to see her baby brother, Ivan, standing before her. His back was turned towards her, so she couldn't see the iron pipe firmly in his grasp.

"Um... no?"  
>"<strong>Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol<strong>..."

The girls were terrified for their lives at this point. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea...

"I mean yes! Sorry sorry sorry! We didn't mean anything by it!"  
>"This will not do. Step aside, allow my sister to her locker."<p>

They immediately did so. Irunya collected the supplies she needed, knowing that she was already late for class.

"Thank you, Vanya~!"  
>"You are welcome, sister. Come, I will escort you to class, da?"<p>

He turned back to the group and smiled his creepy-ass smile. "I have to leave now, but don't worry. Natalia will take good care of you."

After that day, no one dared to pick on Irunya ever again. The end.

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><p><strong>Hehe... done. Do you see my point? No? Well, I suppose you'll have to leave a review. Or perhaps you did? You still need to leave me a review.<strong>

**Seriously. Reviews are an author's crack.**


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